“…As Yourself” — Part 2: Self-Love Over Discipline

There’s an idea we’ve been taught for most of our lives:

That discipline is the path to becoming who we’re supposed to be.

Push harder.
Control more.
Override your body.
Force yourself into alignment.

But what if that entire framework is built on a false premise?

What if discipline, as we’ve learned it, quietly creates an enemy out of our own body…
while self-love creates partnership?

And partnership creates something entirely different:

Ease.
Flow.
Alignment.

Something that feels a lot more like Heaven than conquest ever could.

When I Was Called “Disciplined”

I remember standing with a couple of friends in the military — men around my age at the time, also in their forties.

One of them said to me:

“I wish I had your discipline.”

And for a moment, I paused.

There was a time when “discipline” did define me.

Exercise wasn’t love.
It was punishment.

Food wasn’t nourishment.
It was control.

My body wasn’t a partner.
It was something to conquer.

I believed that was strength.

That’s what the world teaches us:

That what’s good for us is something we don’t want.
So we must force ourselves into it.

That we are, at our core, something wild…
something that needs taming.

Religion often echoes the same idea in a different language:

Deny the body.
Suppress the flesh.
Earn goodness through discipline.

Standing there with my friends, I realized something had changed.

This moment wasn’t during my striving years.

This was on the other side.

On the other side of breaking.
On the other side of the floor — divorce, separation from my children, everything unraveling.

On the other side of learning to love myself fully.

I saw the choice in that moment.

I could say:

“Yeah — I’m really disciplined.”

And subtly reinforce the idea:

“If you were more disciplined, you’d be like me.”

That quiet posture of comparison.
Of earning.
Of superiority masked as advice.

I’ve lived in that energy before.

It doesn’t lead to love.

Instead, I saw something deeper:

This isn’t discipline.
This is relationship.

Partnership Changes Everything

When I started loving myself — truly loving myself — everything shifted.

Including how I treated my body.

Movement became natural.
Eating well became easy.
Rest became allowed.

Not because I forced it.

Because I wanted it.

There’s a line from The Chosen where Jesus says to Simon Peter:

“Man makes it harder when he leans on his own understanding.”

That landed deeply for me.

Because I had spent years making everything harder…

to prove something.

To earn something.

To validate something.

And I saw it clearly:

Discipline, as I lived it, was often tied to performance.
To earning.
To proving.

But love?

Love doesn’t need to prove anything.

My Food Journey Wasn’t Discipline

I’ve eaten plant-based for the past 8 years.

And I also hear it all the time:

“You must be so disciplined.”

The truth is…

It isn’t discipline.

It is alignment.

I actually stopped eating meat years ago just to save money for a couple weeks.

And something unexpected happened.

My body came alive.

It felt like I had rewound 10–15 years.

Energy returned.
Clarity returned.
Life returned.

So now?

I don’t force myself not to eat certain foods.

I don’t fight my body.

I listen.

And I respond.

It feels less like control…

and more like surfing.

Moving with my body — not against it.

The Problem With Discipline-Based Identity

In health, in fitness, in nutrition, in life…

If your starting point is:

“I’m not enough”
“I need to fix myself”
“I need to control myself”

Then everything that’s good for you will feel hard.

Because the energy behind it is misaligned.

The energy matters infinitely more than the action.

You can do the “right” things…

and still feel exhausted, restricted, and disconnected.

What if there’s another way?

What if you could desire what’s good for you?

Not through force.

Through alignment.

Through love.

The Subtle Trap of “Earning It”

A couple years after that moment with my friends, I had a vision.

Someone standing on top of a mountain, looking down, saying:

“See — I made it. This is what you have to do.”

And underneath it…

was something subtle.

Something not rooted in love.

The need to validate:

“I earned this.”

And beneath that…

comparison.

Judgment.

“If others don’t have this, they must not be disciplined enough.”

I’ve felt that in my own life.

And I can say this clearly:

That energy doesn’t serve anyone.

Not them.

Not me.

A Different Way to Live

What if…

Instead of seeing your body as something to control…

You saw it as something to partner with?

What if you saw yourself as:

A beloved child
A reflection of love and light
A being created in the image of something infinite

And your body as:

A gift
A guide
A living system designed to work with you

Not against you.

What if you became a servant leader to your own body?

The same way Christ leads:

With love.
With trust.
With invitation — not force.

A body that runs with you.
Not one you drag behind you.

A life that flows.

Not one you conquer.

The Question That Changes Everything

This is where I come back to a question that changed my life.

The same question Jesus asks:

“Do you want to be well?”

Not:

“Are you disciplined enough?”
“Can you force yourself into it?”
“Can you prove it?”

But:

Do you want to be well?

Because when the answer becomes yes…

from a place of love…

Everything else begins to align.

If you missed Part 1:
“…As Yourself” — The Part of the Greatest “Commandment” We Were Taught to Ignore

If this resonates, explore more in:

📖 Our Bodies as the Garden of Eden

Infinite love and blessings,

Nicholas